Casual Sex in a College Town

As my own schedule has loosened up, I have come out from my corner of the library and made my way into the establishments of this city that cater to the more jovial side of human nature. For someone who is naturally reserved, and absolutely devoid of what his contemporaries often refer to as ‘game,’ my sojourn in these establishments has been both informative and disturbing. 

I usually enter these establishments to meet with a group of friends who play chess, but I am not unaware of the real purpose of their existence. I refer of course to the role of bars in enabling young people to negotiate decisions about sex. In using the terms “negotiate” and “decision,” I am really going too far. The process by which most students in this town decide to have sex does not seem to be a carefully thought out one that involves any sort of serious deliberative thinking. 

What, after all, are these things that we walk around in worth? Most of the undergraduate students I encounter treat their bodies as a means to pleasure. Certainly the body is such a means; sex after all is quite enjoyable. But I have always thought that the student body (no pun intended) must be more than a means to pleasure, it must be the instrument of a mind. 

The human body, so conceived, is a means of implementing the decisions of the mind, but so many students treat their bodies (and sex) as a means of escaping the mind. Witness the extent to which sexual escapism is paired with alcoholic escapism.  

I recently encountered a gentleman (to stretch the term) who referred to a woman passing by on the street as his “reserve parachute” by which he meant that if he was unable to secure another ‘fuck’ for the evening, he could always count on her. He would, no doubt, be devastated if he had to spend a night alone.  

Such an attitude toward the sexual function of the human body, on the part of men or women, is entirely wrong. I must hasten to add that men are not the only ones who take this attitude; I have often heard women conspiring to hookup with someone or celebrating their hookups after the fact.

And yet, the functions of the body are not a thing of shame. To revert to some kind of celibacy or abstinence is to deny the body one of its proper functions. But to leave the mind out of the workings of the body is to behave like an animal. 

A proper view of the body, and of sex, begins by viewing the actions of the body (including sex) as an expression of one’s values. When sex is understood in this manner, it is conceived to be a part of a relationship that is built on mutual trust and shared values – not a whimsical thing that one does to avoid being bored of an evening or a game one plays in order to see what one can ‘win.’

Perhaps then, someone would suggest, that one can simply enjoy casual sex in the interim until it will be more convenient to have an involved relationship. 

Leaving aside the question of whether you want to behave like a dignified human being or an elevated species of primate, one cannot continually abuse the mind-body relationship and expect there to be no consequences. 

The consequences are that as long as one is engaged in these casual encounters, one is not really learning anything about one’s mind or that of another person. During this period, the mind becomes stagnated while the individual learns something about their body, which could be learned in a proper context that involved the mind as well.

Let me briefly insert my complaint that so many women play along with this game.* There is nothing less attractive about an encounter to me than the idea of it being over with the next morning. How depressing! I want nothing to do with a single-episode TV show, but with a series that runs into its ninth season. Give me not a thirty second sample on iTunes but a symphony on vinyl. 

I don’t want to moralize too extensively, because I do understand that my personal mission is (in part) to educate minds not scold them, but I will add this small thing. This post grows out of my increasing frustration with the modern university, which I am realizing is not a place for students to develop their minds but is instead a place for them to enjoy their bodies.

If UA is like other universities, college graduates will be conditioned to do the following: 1) Scream their football motto 2) Consume copious amounts of alcohol and 3) To have value-free sex that means nothing in the long run. 

I do not want to live in a world with such people; it is my idea of hell.  I want to live in a world where people make intelligent decisions and where every mind is developed to its fullest capacity.

I really do pity the people who don’t understand that their minds and bodies should function together and engage in blind hedonism to escape the pain of loneliness.

But many more pretend to understand and call themselves ‘men’ and ‘women’ because they have managed to distance their mind’s preferences from their body’s desires and can avoid serious relationships while engaging in causal encounters. If you pretend to have evolved beyond the naïve state of thinking that sex is not meant to be a part of a relationship, you are not a man or a woman, but a boy or a girl, you are not progressing but regressing. Grow up please. 

*I don't want to suggest that women are playing along with a game made by men. All too often, everyone is quite willing, therefore I do not perceive this as a moment to point fingers at the patriarchy. My complaint is in regards to women because I am a heterosexual male of the species.