Humanity,
Forgive my melodrama, but I must confess a crime I committed against you. On May 14, 2011 I accepted a rather large bribe from the President of William Carey University. In exchange for my silence which began much earlier in the academic year I received one copy of a degree which I earned both through my academic achievements and through my silence.
It is to my eternal shame that I accepted the degree. To this day, it means nothing to me save what it signifies that I actually learned.
Some of you will not understand my confession, some of you could not care less. But to explain it, I must return to December 8. 2010, when I first came into open conflict with William Carey University's administration. Quite a few of the articles published on my blog (then rhaetor.wordpress.com) were critical of the university's policies and those that formulated them. I criticized the funds expended on founding the D.O. school, the University's censorship of the press and their poor logistical planning skills amongst other things.
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In an unpublished letter to the editor of The Cobbler, since lost, I advocated the dissolution of one man (Dr. King) ruling William Carey University. It was this letter which set events in motion. I was summoned to speak to Scott Hummel about the matter. At this point, I made my first mistake. After what I believed was an earnest conversation with him, I agreed to remove an article criticizing the D.O. school from the blog (this article has since been completely lost). I did so because he offered assurances, which could not be checked, that I had the facts wrong, I was naïve and stupid to bargain with such a one.
It was not long after this that I was ordered to remove two other articles from the blog, one which was critical of the university's censorship of The Cobbler (the irony!) and one which criticized the university's poor planning for parking. Both of these can be found republished for historical benefit at rhaetor1.wordpress.com. The orders were accompanied by a threat that the university would remove my scholarships if I did not comply. I was then summoned before Dr. Marilyn Ellzey who attempted, in a very brusque manner to persuade me to remove them, I was not impressed by her methods which seemed to run roughshod over the ideal of free speech.
The university had wanted to contact my parents, even questioning whether my so called rebellion was the result of my coming a broken home. I am forever grateful that as a freshman I had not waived the rights guaranteed me by the Family Educational Rights Privacy Act. Nevertheless, I called my parents, who I thought would encourage me in such a black hour. They did not, in fact they discouraged me from continuing to resist. I was encouraged at times by dear friends and mentors, none of whom could provide me with the tangible support I needed to stay in school.
But this is my shame, that in tears I gave up. I surrendered and was complicit in silencing my own voice. This voice, the fire that burns inside every one of us should not be doused by the waters of religion, set adrift on a sea of social pressure or even covered by a veil made by money. I have kept my silence heretofore because I wished to disavow what I had done and to let the past be the past. I am equally content to allow the ghosts of the past the silence of sleep. I want no vengeance nor do I bear any malice but I must purge myself of my crime. I want no forgiveness or validation, only condemnation for my error.
I want no degree, I would rather have my fire back so that it might burn the more brightly now. I know that it will return to me, but it will be many years in the returning. Ayn Rand puts it best in her preface to the twenty-fifth edition of her book The Fountainhead:
“It is not in the nature of man--nor of any living entity--to start out by giving up, by spitting in one's own face and damning existence; that requires a process of corruption... …Some give up at the first touch of pressure; some sell out; some run down by imperceptible degrees and lose their fire, never knowing how or when they lost it. Then all of these vanish in the vast swamp of their elders who tell them persistently that maturity consists of abandoning one's mind; security, of abandoning one's values; practicality, of losing self-esteem. Yet a few hold on and move on, knowing that that fire is not to be betrayed, learning how to give it shape, purpose and reality. But whatever their future at the dawn of their lives, men seek a noble vision of man's nature and of life's potential.”
I seek such a vision and if in finding it my losses are more tangible than my gains, my only hope is that I never grow bitter or forgetful of the importance of the fire.
Yours,
Thomas Duke
